Creekside Church Sermon of September 5, 1999 "When Someone Sins Against You..." Matthew 18:15-20	Rev. David Bibbee
Send this sermon to a friend

Someone said, "It's important to note that Jesus didn't tell us to form discussion groups so we can have stimulating conversation about the kingdom." He wants us to be his body and behave like citizens of the kingdom. But here's the catch. It's usually not easy to balance behavior with belief.

"It's a dog eat dog world out there," we say...not "a dog forgive dog" world. But Jesus sends his own into the world to show that you can teach old dogs new tricks. Jesus also knew that even among those who follow his blueprint for betterment, people, despite their most sincere intentions, fall short of Christ- like behavior. Whenever two or more are gathered in Christ's name, there is bound to be conflict between them.

We must learn to behave with each other. Sometimes we hurt the ones we love...accidentally or purposefully. Friendships fracture and people drift apart with feelings of anger, rejection, and betrayal.

During my seminary internship in South Bend I was asked to visit a man whose name was on the church rolls, but whose presence was nowhere to be found. I remember his gruff demeanor. He lived alone. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm not in church anymore." "Well...since you mentioned it, yes." "I'll tell you something...I've learned that I can get just as much out of watching religious programs on TV as I can going to church." I replied, "Some people think that's possible." I asked if there was a reason he quit coming years ago. He said he had an upsetting encounter with someone who visited for a stewardship campaign. Who the visitor was or what was said, he couldn't remember, he only knew the man had died shortly after the visit. Said it was something he hadn't been able to get over.

He was still nursing his anger which grew with the passing of time, carrying a burden which hurt no one but himself. And to the very end he carried it...straight into the grave where the man who visited had gone two decades before.

We quarrel over biblical interpretation and the color of the sanctuary carpet. We squabble over the issue of relocation or installing air conditioning. We gossip and do things that hurt the person across the aisle. He knew that most of the time his disciples are no different from anyone else. When sinned against, our automatic response is to desire retaliation; to get even, settle the score, exact my pound of flesh. We all lick our wounds, pretending it doesn't hurt; pretending the other party doesn't exist. We simmer and boil until we spill over on the other person with righteous indignation.

In the church we do not take our relationships lightly. This is why Jesus said if a brother or sister in church sins against you, go to that person...the two of you alone and work it out. Observe who makes the first move-the one who has been wronged takes responsibility for the other who had committed the wrong. No denying it happened. Nothing swept under the rug. No waiting for the other to go first.

Last week I told you about a co-worker who was upset because I received a raise and he didn't. He wouldn't speak to me for six weeks even though we often worked side by side. I would try to start a simple conversation, the response was always cold silence. Finally I said in a gentle sort of way (I think), that I didn't appreciate being treated as though I didn't exist. I couldn't understand how simply doing my job had resulted in being shunned. My attempt was fruitless. The cold wave continued. My boss also spoke with him, but the result was the same.

What I didn't tell you was that my boss belonged to my church. Taught my high school Sunday school class. Neither did I tell you that the co-worker had become a recent member of the church. Then came Love Feast. God took care of the seating arrangements that night. I arrived late. One seat was left...next to you know who. Once more I would go first. This time I washed his feet. Would he let me? Would he speak? He did, and he did. As we stood he looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I was wrong." In that moment, relationship was restored. As Jesus put it, "I gained my brother."

It's not so much a question of "if" someone sins against you. It's a matter of "when", and when it happens, Jesus said the first step towards reconciliation, the hardest step, is our responsibility. In the body of Christ, being faithful means holding others accountable and likewise, being open to correction when we are wrong.

What separates Christians from the rest of society is the premium we place upon the truth. We tell others the truth about themselves. But how do we tell it? "Jack, we're tired of the manipulation you're using to get your way!"? Hardly. Jack wouldn't be open to this kind of correction, would he?

We speak the truth to fellow Christians, but as Paul says, we "speak it in love." In Ephesians 4, Paul says if your brother or sister in the Lord does something against you, go ahead and be angry. Christians are entitled to be angry..."but don't sin," Paul says. "Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Don't hold on. Don't let it fume and fester. Put away the bitterness, wrath and wrangling. Let go of anger and slander. Be kind, tenderhearted. Forgive one another," he said.

Why? We don't confront and forgive because we will be better people for it, though we will. We don't do it because it's nice, though it is. We don't' do it because it will work, because it doesn't with every person or situation. We do it for one reason and one reason alone...Jesus commanded it.

Forgiving and being forgiven is what sets our faith apart from all others. It is the toughest part of love, but as someone said, "Forgiveness is love's power to break nature's rule." Make the first move to forgive. And when you do, you take the first step toward healing. Anger and resentment consume. Louis Smedes tells the fable of a cold, harsh man who learned that his wife, Hilda, had been unfaithful. He didn't divorce her. He was righteous man. He forgave her because the bible said he should. But in his heart he did not. He only pretended to forgive while punishing her with his righteousness. Heaven didn't look kindly upon him, so each time he harbored hatred toward her, an angel dropped a tiny pebble in heart. Each one made him feel the stab of pain like he felt when he discovered her adultery. Over time, his heart grew heavier and heavier. It became so heavy he bent over at the waist. He was so miserable he wanted to die.

Then an angel came in a dream and said there was a remedy. Magic eyes to see Hilda not as a woman who betrayed him, but a weak woman who loved him. He protested, but only new eyes could heal him. He only had to ask. Finally he did, and Hilda began to change before his eyes. With each new appreciation of her and each new desire to forgive, a pebble was taken away until he could walk upright again and welcome Hilda into his heart for a second season of love.

The epistle of James tells us to "confess our sins to each other so we may be healed." Healing comes to those who forgive. The first move is ours to confront with love and to forgive and in so doing be healed. But a crucial move was made long before ours. "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," Paul said. Our sin was against God. Turning our backs to his love, willfully disobeying his commandments, killing the one he sent to help us.

Max Lucado says the key to forgiving others is to quit focusing upon what they did to you, and start focusing upon what God did for you." Instead of insisting that someone pay, remember that somebody already has. No waiting for us to come to God. God came to us; made things right, reconciled us to himself through Jesus and the relationship remains intact. If, despite our propensity to sin, God continues to forgive, then we must forgive our fellow disciples. We are not to look the other way. We are to look with new eyes and reconcile in a manner that mirrors God's reconciliation with us.

A rabbi once asked his disciples how they could tell when the night had ended and the day began. One said, "When you see an animal in the distance and can tell whether it's a cow or a horse." "No," the rabbi said. Another spoke, "When you see a tree in the distance and can tell if it is a fig or olive tree." "Wrong again," the rabbi said. "What is it then?" the students asked. "When you look into the eyes of your fellow man and see in him your brother. It is when you look into the eyes of any woman and see in her your sister. If you cannot do this, no matter what time it is by the sun, it is still night."

Isn't this what it feels like whenever a broken relationship is restored? The darkness turns to light. We see each other in a new way. We see one another as needy people in need of forgiveness.

During WWII a German soldier dove into a bomb crater for protection. Suddenly he was face to face with a mortally wounded enemy soldier. He was drenched with blood and near death. In an instant, the German soldier was overcome with pity for the man and offered him a drink of water. Something profound was happening between them. The dying man pointed to his shirt pocket. The German soldier found a wallet and removed some family pictures which he held to the man's eyes so he could gaze upon his beloved family one last time. The war was raging all around them, but for a few moments, the night turned to day. All that divided them disappeared and they were two human beings who saw one another in a new way.

When two or more are gathered in Jesus' name, there will be conflict, and Jesus told to do something about it. To take the first step. Remember that Christ is our peace. Forgive as he forgave and be reconciled to those who sin against you. Then it will be Jesus himself who is in our midst.

All of the sermons that have appeared in text form on our Web Site since August 1996 are available here in the On-Line version. Use the search engine below to find the sermon you want. You may search by date, sermon title, or content. The sermons are full-text searchable.

Sermon Search:



Exact phrase    All words (AND)    Any word (OR)