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There
is a parable written by Rollo May entitled "The Man
in a Cage" that articulates what can happen to us when
we do not know how to handle anger.
Once
there was a king in a very happy kingdom that ruled over
a large community that had very few complaints. One day
one of the counselors to the king suggested that we take
this man Charlie and lock him up in a cage in the town
square and just see how he and the kingdom reacted, and
that is what they did. They assured Charlie that he did
not have to worry about anything. He would have all of
the food he wanted and would have a comfortable setting
and his family's expenses would be cared for. All he needed
to do was to sit in this cage until the king released
him.
At
first he only put up mild resistance saying he did not
do any thing to deserve being put in a cage. The king's
counselor went to see him everyday and reported to the
king. After a few days his protests became louder and
by the end of two weeks he was cursing and shouting, demanding
that he be released at once.
After
three weeks his protests became less and he stared to
spend long periods in quietness to occasional weeping.
After one month, the man in the cage was curled up in
fetal position and not responsive to any outside stimuli.
When
we experience anger and do not deal with it inside ourselves,
a part of us become numb. A part of our soul is destroyed,
and we begin to die spiritually.
HOW
MANY OF YOU HAVE EVER REALLY BECOME ANGRY? I would guess
that all of have become angry sometime this past week. What
did you do with that anger? Did you let them have it with
all your might with insults, cursing or punching them out?
Or did you just say to yourself, "Consider the source,
you can't expect anything better from such a stupid person."
I want to suggest that neither of those extremes are healthy
Christian responses.
What
are the things that make you angry? By the way it is more
accurate to ask to which situations or things do you chose
to become angry? Jealousy? Lying? Abuse? Inconsiderate behavior?
Road Rage?
I want
you to make some word associations. As I list some names
see if I touch some anger spots in you.
- Pornography
- Gambling
- Enron
- Former
President Bill Clinton
- George
W. Bush
- Child
Molestation
- Spouse
Abuse
- Drunk
Drivers
- National
Rifle Association.
- Osama
Bin Laden
- Saddam
Hussein
The
list could go on for hours. Some of the words on this list
should make us angry.
For
most of us when we think deeply about the following words
it is easy for us to feel some anger.
- Lying
- Injustice
- Bullying
- Abuse
- He
or she "dissed" (disrespected) me.
All
of us have experienced anger around these issues involving
others or ourselves.
So the
question is not whether or not we experience anger because
we all do. The question is what are we going to do about
it when we feel the hair raise on the back of our neck and
we can feel our face turning red, and our heart rate begins
to race a little and we feel all of the symptoms of anger
coming upon us. You could say that I make me angry. It is
not someone else's anger it is mine and I choose to be angry.
We must own our anger.
I want
to suggest some things that may help us.
I call it the S.T.A.R. THOUGHT PROCESS.
I am sure we all want to be a STAR
The
first letter in the process is "S".
This stands for STOP.
Instead of acting impulsively, when we feel the anger coming,
we need to stop. We need to put our mind in gear before
we put our tongue in motion. Some may say count to ten.
I don't think there is any magic in counting to ten. What
is important is what is going on between your ears when
you pause and before you act or speak.
The
next letter is "T".
This stands for THINK.
- Who
am I?
- Where
am I?
- Pray
for the person or situation that is the focus of your
anger.
The
third letter of the star is "A" which stands for
ANALYZE.
- What
really is going on with this person or situation?
- What
really is going on inside of me?
- Do
I have a responsibility to confront this situation?
- What
is the action that most likely would have the most impact?
- Are
the words or actions which I am contemplating consistent
with who I am as a Christian?
After
you have stopped and thought and analyzed the situation
now it is time to RESPOND.
The
mistake that we often make is the way in which we respond.
Some people do not have the courage to respond, and that
is the response, silence. I must add deadly silence. Silence
in the presence of injustice is destructive to ourselves
and to the community we live in
- Is
my response in proportion to the seriousness of the situation?
- Is
it destructive?
- Is
my response consistent with my identity as a Christian?
Psalms
34:8 says, "Do not give in to worry or anger it only
leads to trouble."
The
disciples became angry.
Jesus became angry.
Much of the Old Testament was about God and his anger towards
his people.
Anger
that is not dealt with is eventually turned inside on oneself
and that is depression.
It is
okay to be angry with God. Much of the book of Psalms is
lamenting and complaining to God. That eventually leads
us back to God as creator and loving father.
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