Creekside Church Sermon of November 16, 2003 "Faithful Friends" Romans 12:9-23	Rev. David Bibbee
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It was an oversight on God's part, and understandable, given all that went into getting creation up and running. God was pleased with the man God had formed, and looked forward to enjoying a relationship with him. Then came the realization that a relationship with Adam wasn't good enough-- at least not for Adam. Something, or more precisely, "someone" was missing. So God Almighty concluded, "It is not good that the man should be alone," and God created a helper for Adam named Eve.... a companion.... a friend with whom Adam could share life.

"I don't need anyone. People are of no use to me," she said in a bitter voice. Gladys was dying. When I broached the issue of her funeral she said, "I'm not having a funeral. If people won't see me when I'm alive, why should they visit when I'm dead?" There were no decoupage on her walls with quotes like: "You've Got to be a Friend to Have a Friend" or, "A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed." She was locked in a lonely jail of her own design.

Adam's need was Gladys' need, and OUR need. "It is not good that people should be alone." God hard-wired us for friendship, and friendship is what life is not life without. There is an old Celtic saying: "Anyone without a soul friend is a body without a head." Minus friends, we are dismembered. "But among friends," someone said, " the usual distinctions of older-younger, richer-poorer, smarter-dumber, male-female even, cease to matter. You meet with a clean slate every time, and you meet on equal terms. Anything may come of it, or nothing may. That doesn't matter either. Only the meeting matters."

When discussing our relationship with God we are careful not to describe it as one between equals. God's ways and God's thoughts are not ours. Yet the Bible offers a mind-blowing thought. Exodus 33 says, "the Lord used to talk with Moses as a man talks to a friend." In Isaiah 41 God says, "Abraham my friend."

You just sang, "What a friend we have in Jesus." Do you believe it? Jesus needs friends. He needs all the friends he can get to build the Kingdom. "You are my friends," he said, "if.... IF you do what I command you. IF you love one another as I have loved you." In Romans 12 Paul writes: "Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle."

Being friends with God is hard to fathom. On this side of life, friendship with God is necessary, but alone isn't enough. Which is why cultivating supportive, spiritual relationships is important.

Jesus has chosen us to be his friends-- a particular kind of friends who help each other live what Michael Foss has called, "the foundational disciplines." By virtue of our Christian commitments, we ARE NOT and CANNOT be loners. American culture shoves individualism down our throats, but Christians are communal-- we belong to and are dependent upon fellow Christians. We are ultimately responsible for our own spiritual growth. The pastor or Sunday school teacher can't do it for you, but you cannot grow in discipleship without help from Christian friends.

A farm boy was so restrained in sharing his thoughts and feelings that after five years of courtship, his girl friend decided he was never going to propose to her and that she would have to take the initiative. Sitting alone one day on the porch she said, "John, let's get married. Shall we get married, John?" After a long, long silence, John said, "Yes." This was followed by a painfully long silence. Finally she said, "For the love of Pete, say something! Why don't you say something, John?" He answered, "I'm afraid I've said too much already!"

The disciple's life is shaped by prayer, worship, Bible study, and service to others, and just saying "Yes" isn't enough. We aren't asked to AGREE with the marks of discipleship. No one cares if we think the marks are a GOOD IDEA. They are NOT just suited to the needs of the spiritually adventuresome among us.

This is a gross over-simplification, but churches with the membership model stand the candidates who have gone through the preparation process before the congregation and ask: "Have you?" "We have." "Will you?" "We will." "Do you?" "We do." PRESTO! they are in. Too often its left at that. The new recruits are on their own to learn about the faith and see to their own spiritual and character formation. It is not good for Christians to be without faithful friends.

Growth doesn't happen in isolation. An athlete needs a coach to teach the fundamentals. A coach teaches skills, offers encouragement, correction, and guidance, and pushes the athlete to practice, practice, practice. Spiritual growth doesn't happen in isolation, either. The urge to connect with God is ingrained into us, but prayer doesn't come naturally. It must be learned. We learn the Bible best when we learn TOGETHER. We warm ourselves by fires we did not light. We know God, communicate with God, love and serve God, and share His love with the help and insight of faithful friends. As we are learning in the book, Power Surge, "It is in interpersonal, caring relationships that real growth takes place."

I know a woman who was raised in a devout Christian home. But prayer was sone in an emotionally reserved manner. While dating the man who would become her husband, she attended a prayer meeting where the "emotional expressiveness index" made her anxious. She didn't know if they would start praying in tongues or start passing rattlesnakes. She was so anxious that when the prayer circle was formed, she FAINTED! That was some thirty years ago. She has grown considerably since then. Now she immerses herself in prayer, and soon, Betty Kelsey will enter a spiritual direction program and learn to assist others in deepening their relationship with God. Betty didn't get to this point alone. Spiritual friends guided and supported her.

Vital churches have an environment of expectation concerning spiritual growth. Churches that "stay the course" gather cobwebs and "assume" spiritual growth without providing opportunities outside of worship and Sunday school to help it happen don't expect much You should expect the church to provide the instruction and nurture by which spiritual growth occurs. This means instruction in prayer, offering a variety of Bible studies and small groups where we can practice supportive accountability in living the marks of discipleship.

According to our mission statement, each of us are committed to seeking, celebrating, and sharing God's love. According to our vision statement, we have promised to be a church rooted in God, growing in Jesus, and bearing fruit in his spirit.

It begins with our leaders. They model what Paul describes in Romans 12: They show genuine love. They pursue the good. They fan the flames of the Spirit. In serving God, they embody hope and patience. They pray, serve others in Christ's love, and practice hospitality. They not only embody these qualities and be accountable to each other, they offer opportunities for you to know the power of the Gospel in your lives.

In the collection of exta-biblical writings called the Apocrypha, the book of Ecclesiasticus says, "A faithful friend is an elixir of life, found only by those who fear the Lord." As Christians we NEED such friends, and we NEED TO BE such friends. This requires accountability. Accountability is a red flag word for some people. Being accountable disciples doesn't mean evaluating each other, or checking each other's prayer homework. It is a way to encourage each other; sharing experiences and joys and concerns and helping others through the inevitable dry stretches that are part of the life of faith.

The year is 1963. A father and his three-year-old son are in a supermarket. The boy knocks over a pickle display. He sits on the floor experiencing a significant fluid loss. Tears mix with snot from a runny nose, blood from an abrasion, and drool from a wide-open mouth screaming loud enough to drive a dog under a bed. He has wet his pants and is sitting in a puddle of pickle juice. He isn't hurt, and as his father tries to calm him down, he secretly thinks about walking away, getting in the car, driving away, changing his name, and being as far from three-year-olds as possible.

The year is 1976. The same father paces the living room, cursing and crying at the same time. In his hand is a letter he has crumpled into a ball. It is from his sixteen year old son who says he hates him and wants to leave home because his Dad is a jerk. The father thinks something about his son that isn't nice. Someday he will laugh about this. It will be a long time.

There is overwhelming evidence that he is a good man and a fine father. The son is a quality piece of work, too. Just like his father, they say. He wonders why it is happening. He offers his own answer. He has a son, that's why. Its the way it is between fathers and sons. Wisdom will come later. He will have to live through it for now-- just stand there like a jackass in a hailstorm and take it.

The year is 1988. The son is twenty-eight. Married. A three-year-old son. A home, career, etc. The father is fifty. They take early morning jogs together. As they cross a busy street, the son looks both ways, and sometimes puts his hand on his father's elbow, holding him back from oncoming cars. They laugh a lot, and when they sprint toward home the son doesn't run ahead, but runs alongside his Dad at his pace. It is evident that they love each other, but not just as father and son. They are friends, now, and will never run away from each other.

This was the experience of Robert Fulghum. It shows that fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, and friends in the faith can't control or predict what is to become of their relationships, but they can pay attention to what God is bringing into being through them.

The exact shape of what God is bringing into being through us isn't yet clear. What is clear is the need for stoking the fires of optimism and seizing opportunities. We want our lives and church to count for something. We want the power of Christ's presence to be evident in us and through us as we practice the disciplines of discipleship.

Peter Gomes says, "In the morning of life we are acquaintances; at noon, lovers; and in the evening, friends. It is the long haul that tests our capacity for friendship, and friendship with God is the ultimate security and loyalty.

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