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In the South,
people often ask a question to establish your identity. It is not,
"Who are you?" They ask, "Who are your
people?" Knowing you means knowing your lineage. They try
to connect the dots between you and your people-- My people are
Lewis and Ruth, the children of Seymour and Helen Bibbee and Benjamin
and Ritchie LeMay." The Bibbees' were hicks from the sticks.
The LeMays' were farmers and salt-of-the-earth folks.
Maybe you have
had exchanges with people who knew your people. "Seymour Bibbee
was your granddaddy? Well, I'll be jiggered. Kate, come out here.
You'll never guess who this is It's Seymour Bibbee's grandkid. So
which one of those scallywag Bibbees' is your daddy-- Lewis or James?
I can tell stories about both of them boys."
Families are
not as they once were not so long ago. It wasn't uncommon for three
generations to live under one roof. Your aunts and uncles lived
around the corner. Your cousins were your playmates. Babysitting
was never a problem because the extended family all lent a hand
in raising the children. Today you can't walk to your sister's house...
she lives in California. The kids graduate from college and follow
jobs that take them far from home. Parents leave their children
and grandchildren and move to Florida for retirement.
The biggest
casualty of this shift is our loss of connectedness. Outside of
family genealogists, we don't know who our people are. In the late
1950's, Kermit Eby wrote a book called, For Brethren Only.
Observing the diminished importance of the extended family, he said,
"We have lost of our roots." If we are not securely
rooted in the ground of supportive relationships, our little families
fend for themselves in a society that chews families up and spits
them out.
The family gives
us tools for life. We learn how to get along; we learn values, commitment,
and responsibility. We learn to love and get lots of practice at
forgiving. But we can't do it alone, so let's turn to the Author
and Finisher of our faith to see the guidance Jesus gives on this
issue. This is what he said about families:
Do you
think I came to smooth things over and make everything nice?
Not so. I've come to disrupt and confront! From now on, when
you find five in a house, it will be:
Three
against two and two against three;
Father against son and son against father;
Mother against daughter and daughter against mother;
Mother-in-law against bride, and bride against mother-in-law.
When Jesus calls,
some say yes and others say they didn't hear a thing. Those that
say "yes" begin to change. It's no longer pleasant sitting
around the dinner table. lf the topic turns to religion, they get
TV trays and eat in their own space. Someone will storm out of the
house, slamming the door closed as they go. No he didn't say, "The
family that prays together stays together." He said, "Don't
think I've come to smooth everything over. I've come to create a
disturbance. I'll be the cause of family feuds."
Don't you wish
Luke had tossed this section in the trashcan? Sure, Jesus separates
the wheat from the chaff, the sheep from the goats, and the good
from the evil. But split husbands from wives? Parents and children?
We thought Jesus was pro-family. How can this be good news?
It depends on who your people are. Jesus' goal was making
disciples, But when a family member became a Christian, the sparks
flew.
Let's go back
to World Communion Sunday when Musa preached. Musa is from the Masai
tribe in Kenya. He told us how he became a Christian and how God
has worked in his life, bringing him to seminary in the United States.
But it came at a great price. Musa's decision meant rejection by
his Muslim family. His parents will not speak to him. Ghatano, who
occasionally worships with us, is from Ethiopia. Becoming a Christian
led to his rejection by family as well.
Jesus is a destabilizing
force in families. He says we must love God more than things-- even
family. Saying yes to Jesus means turning our backs upon all other
claims staked upon us.
Phil and Pat
put their son through Notre Dame's Law School. He graduated at the
top of his class. They knew he was destined to make millions as
a trial lawyer in a prestigious law firm. But that evening after
the celebration had wound down, he said he was going to the inner
city to work for an organization that provides legal assistance
for the poor. A man raised in a conservative Baptist church attends
Catholic mass with a friend. He doesn't know what is going on, but
he is moved. A year later he converts to Catholicism. His father
informs him that he is no longer in their will. A family has a discussion
around the dinner table when the daughter says she has something
to share. Her family never went to church. Her parents were critical
of all organized religion. They said belief in God was nothing but
a crutch for weak people who couldn't deal with the facts of life.
She announces that following her senior year of college she is going
to seminary to study for the ministry. The family sits in slack-jawed
silence.
Do you
think I've come to make everything nice? I've come to disrurb
and confront. When you find five in a house, it will be three
against two, dad against son, daughter against mother...
It doesn't seem
to bother Jesus. He didn't have time to be weighed down by family.
He had an appointment on a cross. He was going to give his life
away. He said if you are going to die for something, it had better
be worth it. Jesus wasn't sympathetic to excuses. "I'll go,
Jesus, but let me say good-bye to my family first. Give me a couple
days to take care of Mom and Dad's funeral arrangements." But
Jesus didn't wait. He said, "Those that look back aren't
Kingdom material."
I doubt if James
Dobson would want Jesus on, "Focus on the Family." Who
wants to hear a message like this? How is it good news? First, Jesus
isn't out to trash our families. Second, he enlarges our understanding
of what a family is. There are people who read this passage and
find comfort in it. Over the years I've heard stories about things
that go on in families... sad things, awful things, cruel things
that go on in seemingly normal, church-going families.
Those who survive
and are healed by God's love discover that family isn't defined
only on the basis of ancestry, bloodline, or genes. They're adopted
by a family no one can number, comprised of those whose only qualification
is that they are born in the image of God and live to do his will.
When God's family comes to the table, you'll be amazed to see who
your people are. Your relatives will include Peter, James, and
John; the man on the cross next to Jesus, the Roman centurion. St.
Paul, St. Augustine, St. Francis, Martin Luther, Alexander Mack,
Pope John the 23rd, C.S. Lewis, Ray Fuller, Jim Peffly, Bernice
Killinger, and Nancy Welty.
Your other family
is made of Christians of every stripe imaginable. Your other family
loves you, cares for you, forgives you, prays for you, and helps
you through everything life put in your path until death do us part.
Your family is right here. These people, this church-- We'll always
be your family, no matter what.
There are no
perfect families, including this one. Despite their best intentions,
Christians screw up. We drive each other crazy sometimes. We pout
when we don't get our way. We argue with each other about the Bible
and the budget. We get jealous and resentful over the gifts and
contributions of others. We judge each other, even though Jesus
said, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Sometimes
we call family meetings when brothers and sisters fight, not with
fists but words, cold shoulders, and hard hearts. We think we know
what is right or wrong, and take it upon ourselves to tell others
the errors of their ways, though we don't see the whole picture.
Members of the
family of God are capable of insensitive things-- spreading gossip,
treating perception as fact, not dealing openly with issues but
sending anonymous letters, instead.
The Bible doesn't
say a lot about family life as we know it. But it says a lot about
the family that adopted us through baptism. Thank God for loving
families and all they give us, but God's plan called for a much
bigger family. The family Jesus created is the church. He lived
for it, and died for it, and he promised that nothing would prevail
against it. This is the family we belong to.
Lewis Grizzard
died much too young at forty-five. He was a columnist for the Atlanta
Constitution and essayist noted for his outrageous, off-the-wall
Southern humor. Tom Long learned about the sad life behind Grizzard's
humor. Part of the pain was from his troubled relationship with
his alcoholic father who left the family when Grizzard was a boy.
Before his father died, Lewis wrote, "I asked Daddy a thousand
times, 'What's wrong? Why can't you stay sober? Why can't you stay
in one place? What can be so bad that you can't talk about it?'"
His father never answered.
Later, Grizzard
pleaded desperately with his father to tell him what was wrong in
his life. He told him it didn't matter what it was, no matter how
terrible, and that he loved him, whatever was the awful truth. But
his father couldn't respond. He could only sob and sob and say that
he had made a bad mistake. Lewis wrote: "My father died with
his secret. Did he kill somebody? Did he rob or cheat somebody?
Was he a child molester?... I can think of no more unthinkables.
No matter. Whatever his sin, his secret, I loved him--and I love
him-- anyway."
"Whatever
his sin, I love him-- and I love him anyway." At a depth we
can't fatham this is gospel. The love of God is powerful enough,
and the family of God is big enough to receive us, because Jesus
has enough love for everyone, not matter what they've done-- no
matter what our families have done to us.
Stanley Hauerwas
taught ethics at Notre Dame. He began one of his classes by reading
a letter from concerned parents to a government official. They complained
that their formerly obedient and highly motivated son had become
involved in a weird religious group. The group had taken over his
life, forced him to forsake all his friends, and turned him against
his family. They pleaded with the official to intervene and take
some sort of legal action against the disruptive group, which had
created havoc in their family. Hauerwas then asked the class, "What
is this letter about?"
Most said it
was probably about a kid who had gotten mixed up with a group, like
the Moonies or Scientology. Then Hauerwas told the class it was
a letter written by third century Roman parents complaining about
a crazy religious group called-- Christians.
Jesus is determined
to have disciples, even if it means disrupting traditions and even
families. He said, "Do you think I've come to smooth things
over and make everything nice? Not so. I've come to disrupt and
confront!" We come into the world in families that love.
They are not perfect. To do for us what our own families cannot,
Jesus invites us into his family.
If someone should
ask, "Who are your people?" now you know. Follow the counsel
Paul give to the Galatians:
Right now,
therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit
of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community
of faith.
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